Welcome to margotinto's blog

I'm taking this as a sign of ReRe's budding sense of humour, rather than him finally finding the instruction manual on how to push my buttons.

(night before)

Me: "Time for bath, honey..."

ReRe: :"Huh?"

Me: "We don't say 'huh', honey. Say pardon."

ReRe: "Pardon?"

Me: "It's time for your bath....."

ReRe: "Pardon??"

Me: "Funny. Now get upstairs."

ReRe: PARDON, Mummy????"

Me: "Get upstairs."

(next morning)

ReRe: "Mummy! Where are yooooooooo"

Me: "Right here, honey. Are you ready to get up?"

ReRe: "PARDON, MUMMY??" (I'm standing right in front of him)

ME: "I said, are you ready to get up?"

ReRe: "PARDON??"

Me: "Fine, let's go tell Daddy your new word."

(go find Daddy in the bathroom)

Me: "Now, honey, tell Daddy your new word."

ReRe: "Huh?"

Me, about to lose my mind at 6:38am: "Tell Daddy your new word. PARDON"

ReRe: "Huh?"

Me: "Oh my God."

ReRe: "Mummy?"

Me: "Yes..."

ReRe: "That's funny."

And for Junkii......got wings?

Ma Ma Sisterhood

Do you feel that your experiences (work and otherwise) and/ or education has prepared you sufficiently for motherhood or should their be some kind of additional/alternative training for those women who choose to be mothers? What aspects of your previous experiences, jobs, or education come in handy in your day to day mothering? Do you think that women desiring solely to be stay-at-home moms should forego education and/or careers and focus on preparation for motherhood?

This is my first post to the Ma Ma Sisterhood Group. I feel that, of all my life experiences, it was my upbringing that prepared me the most for motherhood. School, especially high school and university, prepared me to be anything but a mother. If anything, becoming a mother would be a diversion for The Plan, which was all career, all the time. I was told I could be a successful engineer, scientist, teacher, or politician, but never a great mom. I chose a career that was very hard to square with having kids, since it required traveling around the world, which I loved, and hardly being beholden to my marriage, let alone kids, for when or for how long I would be gone. The only part of my work that prepared me for motherhood, really, was getting to work on an early childhood education program in East Africa, where I learned about the benefits of ECE, and influenced my decision to put my son in a montessori school. Nope, it was the example set by my mother that most greatly influenced the type of mother I am, so I think I can say that, without my education and career, I'd pretty much be the same mom I am today. I honestly didn't value the skills and knowledge I had learned from my mom until I was a mom myself. Where I saw value was in my advanced education, my career progression, and my knowledge in my field. But it has done very little for me as a mom; conversely, not having felt a great value for motherhood before, and having been so career driven, has made the adjustment to motherhood much more difficult than it would have been, had I valued both motherhood and career equally.

One of my new year's resolutions was to turn an overgrown flowerbed into a vegetable garden, so this past weekend I tore everything out (as best as I could, there is still a stump I couldn't get rid of) and planted some seeds and seedlings. Here are my before and after shots:

Garden before.....

The garden had an old catoneaster bush, and some lemon mint and garlic chives that I replanted along the edge (since both act as pest repellents). The far right-hand side was completely overgrown, and had been for years, since the rock wall had completely disappeared, and I had to dig it out from under the soil, and then rebuild it.  

....Garden after

I think the former owners were also dumping their potted annuals in here, as there was a lot of potting mix, and some crysantemums who had rooted themselves, but which I pulled out anyway.

Terrible angle, but bear with me....

....that's better

Part of my motivation came from buying my very cool Toronto Gardening Journal, which had a lot of helpful information, and dates when certain things should be done for our Zone 6 conditions. The journal also has plan pages, so I could design my garden plans while it was still too cold to get the garden established:

Gardening journal

So, I've planted heirloom varieties of the following: Mammoth Sugar Snap Peas; Baking Pumpkins; Roma Tomatoes, Jaunes Flamees Tomatoes; mixed bush beans; lettuce and mesclun mix. I also planted some scarlet runners. I did buy some english lavender and lettuce (green leaf, red leaf, salad mix) that were already sprouted, since I was going a bit nuts waiting to see something grow. Next year, I'm going to get as many sprouts going early as I can, unless the direct cultivation of the seeds turns out to work just fine. So far, I've fertilized with an organic mix called Carbonitite that I got from Urban Harvest, and organic worm castings. This is my first veggie garden, so I really do not know what the soil is like, and what supplements it needs, but I'm looking at this as a learning year. I'm a little concerned about what sort of damage the wildlife around our place will do (squirrels, rabbits and raccoons) but as yet, I haven't taken any steps to protect the garden. I might as well put a Salad Bar sign up!  

Giving into the powers of suggestion....

Air Miles Catalogue taped over work schedule for past 3 weeks

Kitchen drawer on Mother's Day

Just a couple little moments from this week that I don't want to forget:

Lil'ReRe started the week off with a fever, a hangover from the MMR shot he got on Friday, so he stayed home with me on Monday. I thought he was well enough to go to school on Tuesday, but when my husband picked him up, he said he was just sitting in one of the ride-on cars, not going anywhere, while the other kids ran around. When they came home, he looked fine to me, so they came with me to Chapters, and sat in the Starbucks while I poked around a bit. It wasn't until after ReRe was in bed (early) that Getalife told me that, while sitting at Starbucks, he asked ReRe if he had a good day at school, but ReRe just looked down and shook his head no. When my husband asked why, he said "ReRe stay home a-Mummy." I felt so bad that I had made him go to school when he could have stayed home, and probably should have, but since he spends most of the time we are together suggesting doing something other than hanging out with me, I just assume he'd rather be with his little friends. I guess when he's sick, I'm his girl.

Speaking of which, he asked yesterday if we could go to the mall. Nice. I'm so proud of me.

Oh, and a couple days ago, after dinner, we were hanging out downstairs watching TV. I had gotten up to adjust the window blinds, and ReRe decided to climb up on the arm of the couch and bite my side. I screamed and nearly jumped three feet in the air, but he was leaning against me, so I was trying to extract his teeth from me without him falling off the couch and onto his face. Seeing how mad I was, he ran around in circles laughing, saying "That was funny!" trying to deflect my anger with his Cute Shield. But it didn't work, and I sat him down and told him that we don't bite, and that he needed to say he was sorry. In the most dejected voice I've ever heard, and looking straight down again, he said "sorry a-biting, Mummy". I then told him to kiss me where he bit me, since I now had a boo-boo, and he obliged. When we took ReRe upstairs for his bath, I heard my husband talking to him about it in his room. Later on, my husband told me that when he was explaining to our son again that he can't bite people, ReRe looked at him earnestly and said "I sorry Mummy, Daddy. I kiss Mummy, Daddy". Like, I get it, man.

Have a great Mother's Day, everyone! I hope you get a REAL day off, and aren't bitten by those you love.  

ReRe finally decided this week that he had had enough of us "Going to Work", and decided he was going to find out what this Work thing was all about. Tuesday night after dinner, while his Dad was still at work and we were catching up on some Thomas, ReRe got up suddenly, and quite firmly told me "I'm going to work now, mummy." He went and got one of his ride-on toys and headed for the stairs. This is the point at which I should have told him that he couldn't go to work, but I really had nothing planned for the rest of the evening, and I was curious to see how much of a concept of 'Work' he had. So instead I just watched as he tried to get his ride-on up the stairs, and then stopped and said "Mummy, take truck upstairs please." So I did, and he pushed it to the door out to the garage, sat down, put on his boots and coat, and asked me to open the door. As I did this, he put his hand on my leg as if to stop me, and said "No mummy, you stay, I going to work now." But he soon realized that he was going to need my help getting out into the garage, and out the door. So I helped him as he carried his ride-on down into the garage, and he put it right where his Dad's car is usually parked, and pointed at the garage door, since asking me to open it would have been stating the obvious. So I opened it, and he headed down the driveway, calling over his shoulder "Mummy stay, I go work!" Now, if this were the 1950s, I may have let him go, but this the the 21st century, so I couldn't let him out of my sight, and headed down the driveway after him. He got to the street and turned left, and headed for the corner. We passed one of our neighbours, who he informed of his intentions. ReRe looked at her derisively when she laughed. But then he got to the corner, which was pretty far under his own steam, and turned to head up towards the highway, and I had to stop him. He got quite upset with me, and was crying that he wanted to go to Work, and this pretty much tapped out my mummy skills, cuz all I knew to do was pick him up and carry him home. I'm going to need to come up with something that can constitute 'Work' for a 2-year old, without violating UN Protocols. Thinking about gardening.....

Today ReRe had a doctor's appointment, so he showed up for montessori an hour or so late. When I opened the classroom door, he and his little friends looked so relieved to see each other, and they started to run towards him. ReRe ran a couple steps forward, but managed to trip and end up on his back somehow, but then got up and headed back to me at the door. So I have this image of him being pursued across the classroom by this mob of 2 year olds. I had to quickly squat down to catch them before they all made it out the door, and ReRe got a big group hug from his friends.

So those are the week's highlights, have a great weekend! 

Well, it seems lil'ReRe is a pretty resilient little guy, because he was unfazed (I spelled that unphased the first time) by my absence. My husband and I agreed that, if he asked where I was, we'd say "At Work", since he was used to Getalife being gone to work for what seemed like days to him, leaving before he got up and coming back after he went to bed. We also opted to not talk on the phone, as the status quo seemed to be working, and we didn't want to upset him. He did ask his dad "mummy finish work soon?" often enough, but seemed satisfied with the answer. I ended up coming home a little early, so I was able to pick him up from school on Friday, and it was all I could do to respect the Montessori principle of parents waiting at the door for their kids to come to them. But it was worth it, cuz ReRe did that little run thing where he doesn't go any faster, but he's moving his legs as quickly as he can, which results in a little twisty dance. We went out for dinner that night, since I was in no shape to cook, and I had to hold myself back from having me some ReRe for the appetizer, main course and dessert. Getalife had to keep reminding me we were in public, but I didn't care, we had a lot of cuddle time to make up for.

And I just wanted to say thanks to Ron&Melvin, Eileen, Cath, Janette and my seestor for your encouraging, supportive words. I read them every time I opened my laptop to again look at pictures of my little guy.

I'm in the midst of packing to go up to Ottawa for a few days for a training workshop, and it will be the first time that lil'ReRe and I will be apart overnight. And it won't be just one night, but 3 nights. I feel just sick about it, but this particular course is only being held in Ottawa this year (it was in Toronto last year, but fell over ReRe's birthday weekend) so if I want to take it, I have to go. Getalife has taken a light work week, so that he'll be available to get up with ReRe, get him fed and clothed, and off to school, then picked up, entertained, fed, bathed, and off to sleep. I have joked with my husband that my biggest fear will be that they will be able to get by just fine without me, but I know that what I'm most dreading is a little boy crying over the phone. That will completely kill me. Just last night we were out for dinner with friends, and their 4-year-old son had the babysitter call them because his ear hurt. After some assuring words from his mom, he went off to bed, still crying, but 5 minutes later the babysitter called back to say he was asleep. Our friends were very calm and firm on the phone, but you could see how hard it was for them. I'll try to channel their strength when the time comes. I know the course will be jam-packed, and I only have 2 free evenings to fill, but it turns out my old employer is having their board meetings, so many of my old colleagues from overseas will be in town, so there shouldn't be any shortage of distraction. I'm just going to miss his little face so much. I've scheduled my flight to leave after his bedtime, so while that means a late night for me tonight, at least I'll get to give him his bath, and try not to bawl my eyes out.

What do you do EVERY day to take care of the earth's environment? What could you do more of?

I've been trying to use re-useable shopping bags as much as possible. I have been trying to do this for a number of years, but I found two major stumbling blocks: not wanting to use my grocery bags to carry non-food items, like new clothes or books, since there may be traces of food in them; and having to struggle at the check-out to get grocery store clerks to pack my groceries into my cotton bags. In the past, more often than not, I would have to do it myself, and with a baby in a sling in the cramped grocery store we frequented downtown, it was very hard, so for most of ReRe's first year, I had little choice but to let them use plastic. Well, now that most major grocery chains have their own reusable bags, and the clerks have been instructed to use them, I'm finding I almost never come home from grocery shopping with plastic bags. As for the non-food items, thanks to stores like lululemon who provide re-usable bags that are sturdy and stylist (and don't just print 'Please Re-Use' on plastic bags) and are easy to carry, I hnow bring those for my other shopping trips, and have been able to cut down on the plastic/paper bags I bring home from other stores.

My lulu bags

For years and years, I've been a constant listener of CBC Radio. More often than not, when I watch videos of lil'ReRe from the past 2 years, you can hear the CBC in the background. I have it on in the car, in the kitchen, and live stream it through my computer if my work does not require my rapt attention. It makes me feel like I am still a part of the wider world, still engaged in intelligent discussions, still up on current issues. And I've always enjoyed how CBC Radio pushes the limits of 'acceptable' language, if that means keeping the content authentic. They will warn you ahead of time that a certain topic or the language being used will be difficult or offensive for some listeners, but then it is your choice or not whether you listen. The other day, the newscaster warned that the recorded interview contained some 'salty' language, which I thought was a very funny description. It turned out that the interview was with a hunter out in B.C. who had tracked down a fugitive, and he was just speaking the way he would normally speak, which wasn't exactly the Queen's English, but it was his story, told his way, unedited.

The problem now is when to turn the CBC off completely, when ReRe is around. We've tried very hard to clean up our own language, so he doesn't pick anything up from us, but when will I finally start limiting his exposure to the language and content on the CBC? Like this morning, while we sat and painted a picture after breakfast, the story on the radio was about the sex trade, and there was a woman crying because her friend had just died of an overdose. ReRe asked me "what's that noise? Baby crying?" I told him that the baby was ok, and luckily, the crying on the radio stopped. I know the simple answer is to just turn off the radio, or put on some child-friendly music, but I truly rely on the radio to fill the void of adult interaction that being at home, either with my little guy or working on my business, had created. My husband has worked all weekend, and while we did get out yesterday, it was to a child's birthday party, which wasn't exactly adult-to-adult time. And I really like the mix of music on the CBC, you will get classical, jazz, folk, country, and even pop over a certain quality, not the loathsome top 40.

On the other hand, I could just let ReRe listen to the CBC, unedited, and let him get engaged with world events from an early age. I was born in 1973, and I clearly remember news coverage of the Iran hostage crisis, Reagan being shot, John Lennon being shot, the Pope being shot.....hmmmm, those were all around 1979-81. So, basically, I was around six years old when it all started to stick. That gives me another few years to convince the CBC to launch Radio 4 (Radio 2 and 3 being the classical and alternative stations, respectively) as a child-friendly (but not focused) station for parents to listen to in the presence of their kids.